I have a confession to make. We have not been going to church much. And I have missed it so much. I love our church. We never missed a week unless we were out of town up until December. We have gone a couple of times since Audrey has been born, but not nearly as often as I would have liked to. I have dreaded throwing her off schedule or we have gone, but, I basically missed the whole thing due to taking care of the babe. They have a great childcare program at our church. I know because I worked it!! I can't explain the hesitation in using it. But, the lack of church has been getting to me lately.
So, today...without even getting a bit off her schedule, Audrey and I went to church. (J is at work) Me to big church...and Audrey got to make some new friends and play. It went fabulously. When I went to pick her up, she looked like she was having so much fun. And very soon after...
then straight to her bed for a nap. At her usual time even. And my bones feel better having gone to church. My mind and heart as well.
A happy, healthy Mommy makes a happy, healthy baby, right?? Then, why is it so hard to do things for myself?? Not just church, other stuff too. I can't quite place my finger on it. I know it's partially that I just want to soak her in as much as possible....especially since tomorrow is Monday and I go back to work. : ( And also some sort of guilt. I call it my "Mommy guilt" The kind of guilt that makes me feel like I should be able to do it all, but also knowing that I can't.
But, I also know she is good...she is SO good. She knows I love her every minute of the day. And she will be fine to hang out with someone else for an hour or so while I get a little "Mommy" time...especially when it's God time! I guess that inner struggle will continue...I do hope it gets easier. Days like today do help...when I finally give in and do it and then I always wonder....why did I wait so long?!? :-)