Church

I have a confession to make.  We have not been going to church much.  And I have missed it so much.  I love our church.  We never missed a week unless we were out of town up until December.  We have gone a couple of times since Audrey has been born, but not nearly as often as I would have liked to.  I have dreaded throwing her off schedule or we have gone, but, I basically missed the whole thing due to taking care of the babe. They have a great childcare program at our church.  I know because I worked it!!  I can't explain the hesitation in using it. But, the lack of church has been getting to me lately.
So, today...without even getting a bit off her schedule, Audrey and I went to church.  (J is at work) Me to big church...and Audrey got to make some new friends and play.  It went fabulously.  When I went to pick her up, she looked like she was having so much fun.  And very soon after...

then straight to her bed for a nap.  At her usual time even.  And my bones feel better having gone to church.  My mind and heart as well.
A happy, healthy Mommy makes a happy, healthy baby, right??  Then, why is it so hard to do things for myself??  Not just church, other stuff too.  I can't quite place my finger on it.  I know it's partially that I just want to soak her in as much as possible....especially since tomorrow is Monday and I go back to work. : (  And also some sort of guilt.  I call it my "Mommy guilt"  The kind of guilt that makes me feel like I should be able to do it all, but also knowing that I can't.
But, I also know she is good...she is SO good.  She knows I love her every minute of the day.  And she will be fine to hang out with someone else for an hour or so while I get a little "Mommy" time...especially when it's God time!  I guess that inner struggle will continue...I do hope it gets easier.  Days like today do help...when I finally give in and do it and then I always wonder....why did I wait so long?!?  :-)